it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
