I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
