I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
