I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
