oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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