Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
