I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
