didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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