4 words: hood of his car
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
