Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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