The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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