return my video game
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
