i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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