i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Randomize
