Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
And the cops told us we were all naked.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
