omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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