My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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