its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Randomize
