I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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