My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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