The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
