CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
