Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
