So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
