Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Randomize
