He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
