you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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