and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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