I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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