Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
