We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
