i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
