Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I touched a dick in church today
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