so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
