I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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