Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
