I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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