I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
