Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
