Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Randomize
