Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
