Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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