pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Randomize
