Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
