Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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