Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
