Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
