I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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