we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
