why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
