dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I am available for nakedness
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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