Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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