I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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