Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
