thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
How does it feel to date your dad?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
