whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
