Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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