I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
