So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
You smell like a Billy Joel song
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
